10.08.2002

well, i need to update this tonight, because if i don't i'll forget about it. basically worthless day in general. had some ups, some very very downs near the end. i just wish i could make her understand.

our relationship is perfect when i'm happy. but if i let one tear slip through, things get messy. it's getting to the point where i feel she's unreachable whenever i'm down, because if it's even partly her fault, all she does is clam up and sit in a corner, staring. eventually i get guilty for making HER feel bad, and apologize for doing nothing, and make like everything's okay. it's gotten to be a habit with us, and i want it to stop...but by now it's so engrained that i can't make it stop. not to mention that she will fall back on the "i can't change" safety net again, like always. as much as i beg, plead, wish, or hope for her to be there for me, something's there. something i don't know. perhaps she does, but i doubt it. she doesn't know anything that's going on inside her head, i'm afraid. maybe a nice, long breakfast will get some of these demons out of my head.
posted at 04:28

Lies were told instead.